I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
