my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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