I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Terrible idea I love it
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
