Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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