so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
