dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
