Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
