her vagine was all disorganized.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Randomize
