I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
