He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
