i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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