Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
