dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
