I puked a lego.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
