Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
My vagina just recognized that song.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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