Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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