Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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