Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I just forgot I was standing up.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
