My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
