he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
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