Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
pray to the hookup gods
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
