Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
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