Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
