The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
