I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
