My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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