He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
it's like heaven, but drunker
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
