was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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