why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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