of course. lets lasso hookers.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Come share oat with me in your robe
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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