you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
