Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
