It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
third nipple confirmed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
