I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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