WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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