It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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