please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
