i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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