everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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