as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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