Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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