Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize
