I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I am available for nakedness
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
