During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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