Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
