She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
