Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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