I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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