What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize