a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
