Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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