there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My ass is underappreciated
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
