Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
