I think im going to throw up on grandma
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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