I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
