i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
