She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
