I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
