my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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