well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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