i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
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