32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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