I'm going to jail i love you
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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