So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize
