At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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