Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
