yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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