I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
sex in a hospital.. check
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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