Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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