Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
