Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
