I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
