He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
