420 ftw
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
