Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
