there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So squirting runs in the family.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize