I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
