Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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