Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Four minutes until I can fart!
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
