i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize