Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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