KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
