It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
