My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
