He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
