I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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