i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize