I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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