since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize