Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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