he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
