I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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