All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
