you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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