drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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