Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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