I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
why do cheetos always look like penises
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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