There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
