Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
