when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
