the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
