Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
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