I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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