make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Are my feet made of real feet?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize