She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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