you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
