i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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