We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
