I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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