You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
